HAPPY HEALTHY HOTTIE

See you there!

You see, when I started this blog, I was, suffice to say, a mess.  I was deep in the throes of one of my darkest patches of depression.  When I read some of my earliest posts, I see how lost and confused I felt, just six months ago.  I had no clear direction in life, no sense of self or purpose.  And my goodness I was fucked up.  I’ve struggled with depression most of my life, clear back to elementary school, where I was bullied for my appearance and therefore obviously attributed how bad I felt to how I was treated by the people around me.  In junior high school, I clearly recall exhibiting suicidal behavior, which interests me to this day because the one thing I’ve never had is the compulsion to actually die, but rather this intense desire to be someone other than who I am, someone happier and more adjusted.  I never thought there was anything I was capable of doing to change myself, and for many reasons, therapy was an unacceptable option for me (although I fully support it if it works for you!), and I spent a lot of time hoping it would just “go away.”

At the worst of it, there were days at a time I would just lay in bed, doing nothing.  The things I used to love – reading, music, food, my friends – didn’t interest me anymore.  Social situations made me extraordinarily anxious, my schoolwork slipped dramatically, and I cut off nearly everyone in my life because it just seemed easier.  I’ve dipped in and out of this anti-social behavior for years now, and finally I got fed up with it.

I’ve been a blog reader for a while now.  When I became exposed to the world of raw foodism (through blogs like Green and Crunchy, Kristen’s Raw, and Choosing Raw), I was particularly struck by the direct connection between the food you eat and the way your body responds.  I’d never been taught very much about nutrients or a balanced diet.  At the age of twelve I decided I wanted to be a vegetarian, but I had very little support at home, especially when my stepfather began the Atkin’s Diet, which meant that basically he and I would eat completely opposite meals, and when it came to preparing food for the family, obviously my mother cooked for the person who made the money, not for the temperamental teenager, so I tended to fend for myself.  I never ate breakfast, I was a carbzilla and inhaled sugar, breads, cereals, and pasta like it was going out of style without ever touching a vegetable.  For many years, this worked out well, because I had a fast metabolism, and I stayed quite thin.  But in college, like most of the rest of the world, I started to gain weight, especially when I lived on my own, because I absolutely did not eat right.  Most days were a plethora of chocolate, cheese, and cereal, until I realized how horrible these things made me feel.  I decided that there HAD to be a connection between what I ate and how depressed, lethargic, unmotivated, and tired I was all the time, and I decided to change that, using this blog.

For those of you who have been with me, you’ve actually witnessed the beginning of my healthy changes.  I started eating breakfast, because of this blog.  I started eating salads, because of this blog.  I feel better, because of this blog.  Because of all of you who have read my blog and supported me.  Because before, I felt like I had no one to talk to and nowhere to let all these things out.  To be honest, it wasn’t until I started writing here and getting feedback from others that I realized I had a problem that could actually be fixed.  And truthfully, that’s why I took a blogging hiatus.  I needed to know that these healthy habits I’d been building were real, not just fodder for me to write so I can hear myself talk.

And guess what?  These changes are real.  I feel happier and healthier and more motivated every single day.  I’ve decided that in the fall, I will return to school to begin a new course of study: I am going to pursue my Master’s degree in nutrition.  I hope to complete my Pilates certification over the summer so I can be teaching by the time I begin my nutrition studies in the fall.  I feel like I have direction.  Every time I tell my friends what I’m planning to do, they all exclaim, “That’s perfect!  That’s so you!”  I didn’t even know it, but now it feels so right I can’t possibly look back.

And with that, I’m happy to announce… I’m moving!  Blogs, that is.  I’m starting afresh, reclaiming my real name, Ilana, and relocating to a place that is happier and healthier and ready to go.

So, I hope you all follow me over to my brand new blog, Happy Healthy Hottie!  Because, I’m hot, healthy, and happy, and getting moreso every single day, and want to connect with other happy healthy hotties like yourselves!

Thank you all so much for all your support and your friendship.  I’m honored and privileged to know all of you, and I hope our relationships continue to flourish and grow.

(And those of you who have been so kind as to add me to your blog roll or your feed readers, please update your links so you can stay updated with me!!)

Love always,

Ilana

I traveled to Nicaragua in January 2009 with fourteen of my peers to volunteer and aid in the construction of a pre-school in a rural community.  I had some beautiful experiences there, but the crushing reality of the conditions under which these communities live has stuck with me as well.  During our short stay, we would walk from the schoolyard, where we were living, to a family home in a community who cooked for us.  Our walk took us fifteen minutes over a hilly and rocky path, and at night we would need to use flashlights for fear of hurting ourselves.  That house was relatively close to the school, many children have to walk nearly an hour or more to make it to school.  The community I stayed with falls under the label of “poverty” but not “dire poverty,” according to the World Bank method of rating poverty and inequality based on income and consumption.  The wealthier families in the communities had a daily income of about $2 per day, and most of the children had at least one pair of shoes.  I have not been to Africa or other direly impoverished communities in the Eastern Hemisphere, but I can imagine the necessity for shoes in these rural areas and fully support the Tom’s mission to place a pair of shoes on the feet of every child.

SO, of course, I have a pair of my very own.  I love them quite a bit.

And here I am rocking these babies on a hike in Thailand.  Yes, I went to Asia and I didn’t bring a proper pair of sneakers.

They’re amazing shoes because they are comfortable, light, easy to wear, and travel exceptionally well.  I don’t wear them as much as I should.  I love them.  They also make great gifts! I bought a pair of brown corduroy Tom’s for my dad on Father’s Day last year, and he LOVED them!  I get my shoe love from my father.

Also, yesterday was “One Day Without Shoes,” a call to action from Tom’s encouraging people to go barefoot to raise awareness of the necessity for shoes.  I am a commuter in dirty dirty New York but I managed to get in some barefoot time on the quad…

Yep, Tom’s Shoes owns my heart.

You know what else owns my heart?  Salad.  Yep.  I said it.  I know, I used to hate salads but now I like – even love – them.  Today’s was AWESOME.

A bed of shredded lettuce, cabbage, and carrots topped with steamed broccoli, string beans, enoki mushrooms, and marinated olives, drizzled with olive oil, lemon juice, and black pepper.

All part of a bangin’ lunch, ginger tea and an apple rounding it out.  I was cold and I wanted something warm so basically I said, “What can I throw into a steamer basket?”

First I did the broccoli, then tossed the beans in, then the enokis at the end for a quick steam.  Bangin’ indeed.

Shabbat is coming in soon and I have a messy kitchen to take care of right now, so I’m off, but before you go please tell me: What is your favorite pair of shoes? You know you have a pair.  I have a hundred (ish…okay fifty plus) pairs of shoes, and my favorite pair is…a pair of Havianas flip flops that traveled all over Thailand with me.  They endured beautifully and I still wear them all the time.  I’m the type to wear a pair of flops until they have holes straight through the bottom, and these are no exception.  What are yours?

Later, gators.

Yes, yes, I suck at blogging.  Why, I’ve even gone so far as to award myself the Worst Blogger of the Month award.  Look, I’m such a terrible blogger that I couldn’t even be bothered to make myself an award for it.

Na, but on the real side yo, I’ve been meaning to post about Passover, and then every day since then has been gloriously beautiful to the point that I have not wanted to come inside and sit down in front of a computer (I know, that nice), and then the idea of actually writing my Passover post, when I have so many pictures and ideas to sort through…Well, let’s just say…I’ll get to it, maybe.  But I wanted to blogggggggggg.  And I had a pretty foodie-full day so I thought I’d hit ya’ll up with some food visuals.  You know, because this is a food blog.

Ssssoooooo… Lately I’ve been taking my bike out for an early morning spin, and it’s been a really great way to kick off my day.  This morning when I woke to do my biking, I was thwarted by my market-loving stepdad (parentals spent the night) who wanted to hit up one of the Asian grocery stores around.  Because obviously if it’s Asian it’s superior.  But seriously…

After a quick French pressed cup of coffee, we were outie.

Well, off to the market.

Nothin like a quick stop in Asia before breakfast.

I have about a million and two pics from the market (and everyone was staring at me like what the fuck is this crazy chick doing snapping pictures on her BlackBerry in a supermarket at 8am) so I’ve had to be selective in my presentation.

I’m allowed to just let the pictures speak for themselves, right?  One more tally on the “Worst Blogger” scorecard..

king mushrooms

my beloved durian (just kidding?)

green

squash

the little mean ones!

pumpkin (or in Thai, "fuk." I kid you not.

Like I said, this doesn’t do it justice.  Aisles upon aisles of produce…  Listen, ya’ll can have your Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s and whatever else, I shop at local supermarkets (not national chains) and find amazing produce.  Yahello.  I came out with baby bok choy, green beans, spinach, broccoli, oranges, bananas, kiwi, papaya, grapes, various shrooms, um, some other stuff? and this…

Palm sugar? AKA, sugar crack?  AKA, I’ve been dreaming of this stuff ever since I left Thailand?  And now it is sitting so innocently in my cupboard.  Honestly I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do with this but I got so excited to see it I grabbed it off the shelf and for under $2 it was mine. Aha.

After el mercado (I forgot how you say it in Thai…I forgot if I ever knew how), we came home for breakfast and then it was time for me to be on my way to school.  Breakfast:

Overnight oats.  Combo: Oats, banana, Better’n PB (no it isn’t), strawberries, cocoa powder, flax, seeds and nuts, raisins, a lot of cinnamon.  So good.  I’m just mixing EVERYTHING I want in my oats into my oats the night before, sticking it in the fridge overnight, and we’re a go.  It’s the quickest thing ever, takes five seconds.  And…so good.  With grapes and coffee.  Surprised? Nope, me either.

It was such a gorgeous day out!  These are the days I can’t help but wander lazily around my quad or just set myself down under a tree and gaze around at the beauty of my campus.  I really mean it.  I love my school so much – neva gonna leave.  Grad school, Queens College, whattup.  See you in the fall.

it's a shame today was smoggy...usually this is prime NYC skyline viewing territory

Snd our clocktower….love the clock tower.

this picture is really for my boyfriend, who doesnt read my blog anyway, but if he did he'd know it's for him

So my friends and I lazed about on the quad for a bit after classes and bitched about life and boys and getting older and whatever other things twenty-somethings have to bitch about, and then I walked home.  I think my school is about a mile and a half (a little more, walking) from my house.  I’ve done the walk before on several occasions, and they are always strangely blissful and serene.  Today, no exception.  Got home quite ready for a spring-inspired lunch.

Salad, orange, tea.  My goodness I am predictable.

Really good salad though.  Shredded lettuce, cabbage, carrots, topped with cuke, carrots, tomato, enoki mushrooms (new fave), grilled asparagus.  The usual tehina-and-____ dressing is tehina mixed with Trader Joe’s Roasted Pepper and Eggplant dip.  This is a winner.

In addition to my nice walk home, I went for a bike ride around the hood during sunset.  I love taking it out for a quick spin, maybe three miles or so.  It really gets me out of my head and out of my space for a while and it’s a refreshing break, or a really amazing meditative way to start the day.  I’m about to become one of those urban bike people.  I know it.  Also, I put Glee on my BlackBerry to entertain me (yeah, my iPod has been laying neglected and uncharged in my purse for about three months now, my BBerry has Pandora and a shitload of Gaga MP3′s, what do I need my iPod for), and it was vaguely epic.  Just vaguely.  ”Don’t Stop Believin’” is a scary good bike riding song.

Then I rolled home forrrrr…dinner!  What I’m discovering about myself as I continue on this little food journey of mine is that I am an uncomplicated person in most aspects of my life – clothes and hair, schoolwork, relationships, whatever, I don’t like to have to fuss with things.  I like to just let things be and usually I am rewarded with beautiful results.  Well, apparently my life philosophy and my food philosophy are one in the same.  Uncomplicated.  Now, I love all those recipes with a hundred steps and a thousand things to do and assemble and pieces and flavors and all that, and I even love to do them, but not all the time.  Usually, it’s a matter of throwing a bunch of fresh vegetables on a plate and letting them speak for themselves.  I’m not even one for complicated plating, although I for sure appreciate the beauty at a restaurant.

Well now after all that chatter about uncomplication, let me show you my amazing dinner that I was literally stoked to eat.  I actually texted people to tell them how excited I was to eat this.

Does it get any simpler?  Fresh grapes, a carrot, asparagus grilled with a touch of olive oil atop fresh spinach, steamed broccoli rabe, and mashed yam with cinnamon.  A wedge of lemon squeezed over the entire plate made everything pop.  This dinner made me the HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.  Then I turned on Top Chef and sat there proudly eating my fresh dinner while watching James Beard award nominees battle it out for the title of whatever.

I had this red-bean filled sesame bun for dessert.

Now I’m about to Skype with the boyfriend and go to bed.  I got tired towards the end of this post.  I’m lame. Worst blogger ever!

So tell me…if you had to give yourself an award. what would it be? What are you GREAT at?  I want to knowwww!!

Miss you guys, truly.  I *will* catch up on the thousand-plus entries that have piled up in my Google Reader over my past two weeks.  You are all beautiful people – all of your comments truly warm my heart and I am so lucky I was able to share with you all even just these little pieces of our lives.  Your comments on my post about my stepfather yesterday were really really needed and appreciated.  Thank you thank you thank you.

With that, I’m off.  Later later.

PS- look how freaking cute my kitty is.

She actually thinks I'm her bed. Love her.

In Judaism, one of the highest forms of mitzvah, a colloquial term referring to an act of human kindness as well as a religious term referring to the 613 commandments given by God to be fulfilled by a Jew in their lifetime, is to honor the dead.

Five years ago on the last night of Passover, I was getting ready to go back to school for the last leg of my senior year of high school.  I was probably catching up on some procrastinated reading, or else on the phone with my (now ex-) boyfriend.  The latter is more likely.

I won’t go into details here about the sound of my mother’s voice shrieking for the phone, the sight of my powerful stepfather collapsed on the bedroom floor, or the panic in my chest when I heard the EMT radio in, “48 year old male, severe cardiac arrest, several attempts to revive, still unresponsive…“

I just know I switched off.  I went numb.  My stepfather, a popular local rabbi, young and “in” with the kids, one of the smartest men I ever knew, could not be…unresponsive.  He and my mother still had a long life ahead of them to share together.  This was a bad nightmare, had to be.

It wasn’t.  The longest night of my life, watching my mother sobbing on my bedroom floor.

I called my best friend to tell him what happened.  Shocked, he said, “I didn’t even know your stepdad was sick.”

“He wasn’t,” I replied.

But he was.  He had to have been.  A healthy man does not spontaneously go into cardiac arrest for no reason.  And healthy my stepfather was not.  Smart, brave, wise, spiritual, open, honest, giving, he was, but “healthy” was never an adjective one could attribute to that man.  Obese, morbidly so, addicted to cigarettes and Diet Coke, the man refused to go to the doctor, and could not for the life of him seem to correct his eating habits.  Two years prior to his death, he had seen great success on the Atkin’s diet, but for anyone who has tried Atkin’s, you might know it isn’t a successful lifestyle, it’s truly extreme.  And an extreme diet of high protein and fat undertaken by an obese man with self-induced heart troubles is a recipe for disaster.

I know this now, honestly do.  And I learned so many things from my stepfather, but one of the greatest things I learned is that if you are not responsible for your own health, you will pay for it.  There is no magical solution, but a life-long dedication to a healthy lifestyle is a formula for success and happiness.

I think of him often when I consider many aspects of my future.  Religiously, socially, educationally, he makes his presence known in the back of my mind (sometimes in the front) while I make decisions.  He taught me about leadership, about acceptance, about charity.  I always have spare change in my pocket just in case somebody needs something, which I learned from him and always consider it a tribute to his memory.

Today, on his fifth yahrzeit, the Jewish anniversary of his death, I honor his memory with my commitment towards a healthy lifestyle and a commitment to helping others around me become healthier in their lives for longevity and happiness.

Rabbi Evan Craig Radler, z''l

I hope you all have a beautiful day.  Wherever you are right now, take a moment to breathe deeply and open your body and your mind to clarity, accepting the wisdom the universe has to offer to you now.

Hi everyone,

I had an absolutely wonderful Passover.  I am home now and I need to decompress and process a little bit.  I feel wide open and receptive to all the universe has to offer me.

Back in a while.

I have an announcement to make: I am officially out of the Blog Closet. Because, you know, that’s a thing that exists…

Apparently, I have a creeper stalker named my boyfriend, who somehow “stumbled” across my blog.

Some of you may remember me agonizing over how and when and if I should tell him, and the rest of the people in my life.  Well, he sidestepped my anxiety by finding it on his own, and though he thinks it’s “awesome,” he’s slightly jealous I’ve never cooked any of my “vegan specialties” (what vegan specialties?) for him (on a side note, he told me now he understands I have a running narrative going on in my head on a near-constant basis).  That’s a major weight off my back, because although I’m not blogging anything secret or anything I don’t want people to know about, the whole, “So by the way, I have a blog,” conversation was one I wasn’t sure how to start.

Then today I came out to my family.  My mother is concerned I don’t eat at all – of course I don’t live with her and she’s really just projecting based on the fact that at my age she suffered from an eating disorder – so I pulled out my cell phone and started flipping through pictures of my past several meals.  Really helpful, no?  She was impressed and asked if I have a website where I post my pictures, so I said, “Actually I do have an online food journal where I post my regular meals and kitchen adventures.”

So there you have it.  I am out.  The end.

And since this is now a “food blog,” here’s some food (today was hectic I forgot to photog everything).

Breakfast – using up the last of my leftover oats before Passover!

Awesome overloaded oatmeal – steel cut oats, 1/2 a banana, peanut butter, chocolate almond butter, raisins, raspberries, blueberries, cinnamon, cocoa powder.

There is a very high likelihood that I have eaten chocolate for breakfast every day this week.  Oh oatmeal, I’m going to miss you over Passover.  Quinoa for breakfast?

This salad also got scarfed down at some point – I timed my meals and shopping very well this week, using up the last of my produce and cooked leftovers tonight.

Insalata de ceci, spinaci, carota, avocado, i salsa condimento.  Ok, I lied, I don’t know that many words in Italian.  I just like the way Mario Batali says “ceci bean” on Iron Chef.

I also prepped breakfast for tomorrow that I remembered to photodocument.  Basically I’m in the predicament of “there’s no food in the house and we’re leaving at the asscrack of dawn for lands unknown (aka New Jersey).”

After breakfast today, I still had these leftover oats.

Not wanting to toss them, I figured I could try to do a fake overnight oats preparation using precooked steel cut oats.  I had all the makings right in the fridge, non-Kosher for Passover leftovers waiting to be used up.

1/2 banana, chocolate almond butter, oats. Unpictured, almond milk.

My basic “overnight oats method” (which sounds so much more official than what it actually is) includes me mashing up a banana with nut butter, then combining the oats, banana-nut butter mixture, and almond milk in a container.

I’m probably a weirdo but mashing up bananas by hand is one of my favorite kitchen activities.  It’s up there with kneading dough – it’s a major release and gets out all my stress and frustration.

So then you combine the butter and banana like so

Honestly this can be eaten straight, as is.  Banana-chocolate-almond butter.  No complaints.

But I digress.

Add the oats to the chocolate mixture (I also added cinnamon), stir to combine, and into the fridge to sit overnight. I will return tomorrow with an update as to how this worked.

Since I’ve slept 4 hours in the past 48, I’m pretty exhausted.  I’m gonna go for now but before I do, please tell me-

What is your favorite holiday? And why is it your favorite holiday?

Since I’m Jewish I’m woefully bereft of in-depth knowledge about the holiday traditions of other religions, so please share with me some of yours!

My favorite holiday is the Jewish holiday of Purim.  We dress up, give gifts of food and drink and most importantly, are spiritually commanded to get as intoxicated as need be until you can no longer tell your best friend from your enemy.  I’ll take it. Also, I am named after the heroine of that particular tale, Esther, and it’s a story I have always personally identified with.

What’s yours?

PS- In honor of Lady Gaga’s birthday and my lack of shame and self regard…

FYI, oatmeal sucks without bananas.

But chick peas go really well in salad.

I’m off to do a bit more cleaning and get in a bit of cardio before Shabbat.  Hopefully I’ll catch up with ya’ll before Passover, but I might go MIA for a while.

Shabbat Shalom, Happy Spring, have a peaceful and wonderful and pure weekend.

Something to do – check out this really great article about choosing Kosher for Passover wines to get a small hint of what my life is like these days!

my mother and I in Jerusalem, February 2007

One food my mom definitely taught me to love as a child was oatmeal.  Then over the weekend I shared with her my newfound love, overnight oatmeal.  Can you guess what I had for breakfast today?

Overnight oats…in a jar.

Does anyone else feel like “in a jar” is the blog equivalent of “in my pants”?  You know, that game where you say the name of any movie and then add “In my pants” to the end of it?

Like: Ten Things I Hate About You…in my pants. Little Miss Sunshine…in my pants.  Titanic..in my pants.

Yeah. I’m five years old.  I bet my mom never played the In My Pants game.  I bet she’d be shocked if she knew I included it in a post about her.  Actually, probably not.

I digress. Overnight oats, made in a jar because all my tupperware was dirty and all my jars were clean, and I think it was made with oats, half a banana, chocolate almond butter, almond milk, ground flax, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, and raisins.  I love overnight oats because I can just throw everything I want in my oats in the container overnight and then I don’t have to do anything in the morning but eat.

OOIAJ with an orange and coffee.  I’m so original.

Yet another afternoon was devoted to cleaning my house for Passover.  One of the ritual and symbolic traditional acts associated with Passover is to cleanse your house of all things not Kosher for Passover (called “chametz”).  This obviously means foodstuffs that don’t meet up with Passover guidelines, but also includes cleaning all surfaces that might have been in contact with chametz at any point over the past year.  Many Jewish homes regard cleaning for Passover as a spiritual command to take part in some serious Spring Cleaning, if you will, and as I have mentioned, I have taken on the responsibility of my own home this year.  Most of the house is completely clean except my kitchen (and my bedroom), I’m eating my way through all non-Kosher-for-Passover food in the kitchen, and I’m actually kind of looking forward to the final cleaning on Sunday night.  I feel a little overwhelmed, I really wonder how my mom has done this for so many years.

Around 2:30 I suddenly got STARVING.  One of my concerns over this little food journey of mine is that I really don’t recognize the signs of ‘hunger’ anymore, or if I do I’ve gotten so used to ignoring them that they don’t make an impression.  So when I suddenly felt my stomach growling and I realized I was HUNGRY, I was pleasantly surprised.  And I answered the call with this:

Salad, apple, tea.  I need more apples.

Romaine, baby spinach, carrots, red pepper, avocado, leftover chick peas.  Apparently salsa is salad dressing now.

I went to Pilates tonight despite last night’s difficulties.  I’ll be taking all of next week off (most likely) because of the Jewish holiday and spring break (oh yeah, did I mention I’m on spring break now?  I totally forgot it started today. Probably because I’m doing NOTHING), so I really wanted to go tonight.  I struggled a bit, but I can’t learn unless I make mistakes, so fine. Whatever. I accept it.  And I had fun – I genuinely just like going to my studio and the people who are there.  I don’t care if I’m not perfect all the time, just being in that space is the best part of my day usually.

Then I came home for dinner.  I had no idea what I wanted.  I know I probably should have eaten something green and flourishing but I just felt lazy and wanted to crawl into bed with my computer and blog and not think about what I was going to put into my body.  So when I got home I opened up the fridge and came up with this:

A dinner that strongly resembles what my mom would have packed for me to take to school for lunch.  Open-faced pb&j, carrot sticks, red pepper slices, celery, grapefruit, and peppermint tea.  No I am not ashamed I just tried to class up this dinner by referring to my pb&j as “open-faced.”  At least I made an EFFORT to get something green on this plate.  See those two sticks of celery?  Yeah, I hate celery.  But I ate them anyway.  Booyah.

Some of the last of my (not Kosher for Passover) millet bread, toasted and then spread with peanut butter, sour cherry preserves, and liberal sprinklings of cinnamon.

This was awesome and perfect for my lazy ass.

Wow… I am legitimately Queen of Lazy Eats today.  Okay. Fine.  I’ll share with you something I did make today, something my mom has probably never made…

Peanut Butter Cups.

You may have noticed I like chocolate, and I like peanut butter.  Well, it just so happens I have a lot of both in my house and need to use them up before Passover (chocolate is Kosher for Passover, as long as it is certified Kosher by rabbis, but peanut butter is not).

Basically, I melted chocolate in a double boiler.

I used a combo of Lindt 85% dark, Trader Joe’s 85% dark, and Newman’s Own Organic Sweet Dark Chocolate 60%.  Not for any reason other than it’s what I had and needed to get rid of.

I have these adorable silicon miniature cupcake liners that my dad bought me once at Williams Sonoma.  They are perfect for candy endeavors.

In fact, they are so perfect that I usually put them somewhere “I’ll definitely be able to find for next time,” misplace them, and inevitably use something else.  For once, I knew exactly where they were and they made theeeee perfect vessel!

I coated each with a layer of chocolate – thicker is better so it holds in the fillings – then I set them in the fridge to chill for a bit.

When they had hardened, I filled each one with about 2 teaspoons of peanut butter.  I used Trader Joe’s Crunchy PB with flax seeds – because that’s what I had.  I like to use salted PB for this kind of thing, though.  I like the flavor it imparts.

this is kind of a weirdpic, for some reason the lighting actually makes the chocolate look like peanut butter??

Then I covered the top of each with more melted chocolate, smoothed out, and then back into the fridge to chill (and be eaten).

Mmyeah.

Peanut butter and chocolate.  What could be more perfect?

So tell me, my loves-

What is your favorite treat to make yourself at home? I’m a huge fan of any at-home versions of commercial candies!

and

What is your favorite mom (or dad) cooked meal? As a kid I loved just about everything both of my parents cooked, so this is a pretty difficult call, especially now that my eating habits are so different from what they were (and what my parents’ are).  But I know I used to love how my mom cooked her chicken, when I used to eat chicken, and I love my dad’s butternut squash soup.

And

Play the “In My Pants” game with me! You know you want to.  Dazed and Confused…in my pants.  Save the Last Dance…in my pants.

Hahahaha…as I was writing this post, my mom called, and before we hung up she asked me what I had to eat.  I started to laugh as I told her, “Peanut butter and jelly,” and she goes,

“That’s not dinner!”

Oh Mom.

PS- I just updated my page “The Love” – check it out and let me know what you think, your opinion matters to me

PPS – any New York bloggies out there interested in doing a meetup, maybe next week since I’m on Spring Break (hint hint)?  Let me know … leave a comment or send me an email at lalovesyou AT live DOT com

Sure, when I started Pilates I couldn’t do everything – shit, I could barely do anything.  Suddenly now I have had this amazing transformation in my body and it often feels like I can do absolutely anything.  Last night, that was not true.  All day yesterday I felt this irritating pain around my shoulder cuff but it wasn’t anything concerning and seemed to have gone by the time I went to Pilates. By the time I got on the mat, I felt powerful and ready, and my shoulder held up beautifully and painlessly throughout the scapula series, but when we moved onto planks, for the first time in months I couldn’t do it, and this persisted throughout the rest of the class.  As long as I have been going to Pilates, I have never had to stop and take a break mid-series, but for the first time, I couldn’t always complete every exercise.

So, it sucked.  But what’s even more surprising (to me) is that I didn’t get upset or frustrated.  In that moment, I knew I couldn’t keep going on my shoulder, I had to stop, it’s okay to stop.  I accepted my limitations, and shockingly, it felt powerful too, in the sense that I had listened to my body and gave it what it needed.

That is as strong and important a personal statement as being able to say I have pushed myself when I felt strong and ready.  Each day is different and I cannot always expect perfection, and I am more than alright with that.

So rewinding to yesterday, here’s everything I ate (gosh there has to be a more exciting way to say that).

Breakfast was my new fave thing, overnight oats.

I do think this preparation may have replaced steel-cut oats in my heart.

It doesn’t look all that appealing but it’s practically like eating a brownie for breakfast: Oats, half a banana, chocolate almond butter (!!), ground flax, walnuts, raisins, pumpkin seeds.  Gettin fiber, antioxidants, good fats, omega-3′s…

some vitamin C…

and some of the other vitamin C(affeine).  I do think coffee and citrus make two of the greatest wake-up smells.

Cleaned cleaned cleaned, the living room, the basement, and then the food pantry in the kitchen.  I’ve never cleaned the whole house myself for Passover before.  Last year, my mom came to do it for me, and before that I never lived on my own.  This is like some crazy, freaky, super-significant milestone indicating I’ve leveled up in the Jewish Mother In Training video game.

Lunch…

I like to eat salads for lunch but sometimes looking at a whole bowl of cut up veggies just seems lame.  Which is one of the reasons I didn’t like salads before.  So I  tried out this “deconstructed salad” preparation.  You know.  They talk about it on Iron Chef.  This is more like a salad wrap than a deconstructed salad I guess.

On top of romaine leaves, I layered avocado mashed with salsa for the quickest guac ever, more salsa, sliced carrots, and tehina mixed with more salsa.

I ate these kind of like a sandwich.  Served with an awesome crunchy Gala apple and tea.

I’ve been on such an apple kick lately.  I crave them.  I just want to eat them, all the time.  I love how crunchy they are.  Amazing.  Apples rock.

Dinner was warm, filling, and totally hit the spot.

A big bowl of spiced chick peas, mashed yam, atop a bed of frozen cooked spinach, served with a juicy grapefruit and tea.

So. Good.  Yam mashed up with cinnamon, chick peas tossed in heated olive oil, dried garlic, chili powder, cinnamon, cumin, and black pepper.  Really. So. Good.

Then dessert, some homemade treats…

Ignore the chocolate all over my hands.

Perfection.  Yet another 100% vegan day (yay) and another sweet ending.

So, all my sweet blog friends, tell me, have you ever hit a wall? Not literally, because although I’ve done that and I’m sure many of you have too (jk…maybe), but a wall in your journey, be it fitness, education, healthy eating, your career, what-have-you.  How did you know you hit a wall?  How did it affect you?  What did you do to overcome it?  And, if you have literally hit a wall, please tell me about it!!

and What is your favorite scent? Above I noted coffee and citrus are two of the greatest morning smells.  My other favorites include cut grass and the rain.  What about you??

Back later.  Love you guys!