Where’s the food?
I know, I know, I know I was supposed to post about Purim! I’m working on it, but I had a story I really wanted to tell you guys!!!!
The other night, my boyfriend and I were hanging out when he did his usual root-through-my-fridge-and-eat-whatever-he-finds bit. I was in the bathroom fixing my hair and I heard him opening a plastic produce container.
“Are you eating tomatoes?” I asked. The answer was, of course, yes, because my boyfriend eats tomatoes the way I eat apples. I love this. I went back into the kitchen and found him raiding containers of not just tomatoes but celery and carrots as well. The contents of my fridge are 100% vegetarian, and my boyfriend is anything but, so the fact that he can find things to eat in my omnivore-unfriendly refrigeration unit is a small victory for me.
“You know, I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve cooked chicken in my life – a grand total of three,” I commented, watching him chow down on my celery sticks. “I’ll have to learn, I guess.”
He grabbed another handful of vegs before tossing the bags back into the fridge and said, “Are you kidding? Fill the fridge up like this and I can be happy forever.”
NO FREAKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
This, from Mister “Where’s-The-Food” himself. Every time we go out to eat, I order something vegetarian, which prompts the taunt, “Where’s the food?” Apparently, though, he’s not health-phobic, he just likes to break my balls.
Well, I’ll show him where the food is. I haven’t mentioned this to him in full disclosure, but it is now my mission to health-ify his diet and his nutritional mindset. In my opinion, this is for sure one of the top ways to show the person you love that you really love them – but don’t worry, I’m going to be backhanded, manipulative, and sneaky about it. He won’t know what hit him.
So this morning, as I usually do a few times a month, I texted him, “Cookies?” as per our ritual of … me baking him cookies and him eating them. I was expecting a text back with a requested flavor of cookie (double chocolate chip, anyone?) and was floored when my innocent inquiry catalyzed the following text message conversation:
Him: Soo fattening.
Me: WHO ARE YOU!??
Him: New and improved boyfriend.
Him: I’m gonna get buff enough to bench-press you.
HOTTTTTTTTTTT. Well, first of all it looks like I’m gonna have to have a chat with him about “fat talk.” And second of all, CHALLENGE! I’m not giving up on stuffing him full of sweets, but I can for sure amplify the health factor and introduce him to some of my favorite healthy and still sinful sweet indulgences.
Best way to start?
FUDGE BABIES, of course! Now, this version aren’t 100% the healthiest things ever because of the chocolate chips (I just used a regular commercial brand), but they certainly come in leaps and bounds ahead of the full-fat, refined-sugar, heart-unfriendly tokens of affection I’ve served up to him in the past. Besides, cacao is choc full of antioxidants and vitamin C, pecans serve up a nice dose of friendly fat, and everything just tastes damn good. I’m not complaining. Hopefully he won’t either. Also, I’m telling him they’re truffles so he doesn’t run away screaming.
So. Here’s my recipe for some deceptively luscious chocolate chip truffles
- 1 cup pitted medjool dates
- 1 cup pecans
- 3-4 tbsp cacao nibs
- 3-4 tbsp cocoa powder
- 2 tsp vanilla extract
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1/2 cup mini chocolate chips
So, I tossed my pitted medjools into my trusty food processor and pulsed until it formed a nice ball of date paste (one day I will make this and just eat the date paste with a spoon, foregoing chocolate alltogether).
I took out the dates and put the pecans and cacao nibs into the processor, pulsing until it reached this coarse consistency.
Back into the processor with the dates, and add the rest of the ingredients except for the chocolate chips, and pulse until all combined. It kind of looks like nutrient-rich soil. Too bad “dirt” isn’t an appealing way to market something edible… When it looks like this, I threw in the chocolate chips and pulsed for a few seconds to evenly distribute them. Then I scooped it all into a plastic bag, smushed it all together, and let it chill in the fridge for a little while.
Then I rolled it into balls, and back into the fridge to chill (I know someone else who likes chilly balls).
Now I am exercising every ounce of self-control I possess in order to save these until he comes over later. We’re gonna watch a movie and I’m going to whip these out and blow his mind that they are egg-free, dairy-free, gluten-free, are relatively good for you, and actually taste good too.
Booyah. Where’s the food now?
PS- This is my song obsession du jour: